Roles and responsibilities

Family relationships are based on love, care, cooperation and interdependence (depending on one another). 'Cooperation' means 'working together': in a joint family, if one person is unwell, another quietly takes over their work.

Each family member has a role and responsibility towards the others. Parents are responsible for raising their children to be happy people and responsible members of society. And as children grow up, they take on more jobs at home to help others, such as going to the market with a parent, watering the plants, or looking after someone who is ill.

Through daily practice, children learn to take part in the life of the household. In many homes they also learn traditions and practices the family has followed for generations.

Following our dharma, doing our duty, has been an important principle of Indian culture. The family is also a 'school', where children learn important values:

• ahimsa (not hurting): a parent stops brothers and sisters from hitting each other;
• dāna (giving);
• sevā (service): caring for grandparents, fetching what they need;
• tyāga (sacrifice): 'let your younger sister have it this time'.

Family members often give up their own needs to take care of the family's needs.

The book tells a story. Shalini lives in a town in Kerala. Her father runs a small business, her mother teaches at a nearby school, and she has a younger brother. Living with them are her grandmother Acchamma, her uncle Chittappa, her aunt Chitti, and their daughter Chinni.

Shalini's uncle has just lost his job, and her aunt is a homemaker. The whole family was getting ready for the festival of Onam. Acchamma told Shalini's father that his brother was in money trouble, so they could not buy new clothes for the festival.

When Shalini's parents took her and her brother shopping, they bought new clothes not only for themselves but also for Chittappa, Chitti and Chinni. So Shalini did not get the silk dress she had expected; she had a simple cotton one.

Acchamma explained that this is how families support each other and share what they have. Shalini did not mind her simpler dress; she was happy that everyone could have new clothes. Notice that nobody gave her a lesson beforehand: she learnt from what her parents did.