Say the Right Thing: Scene II

Scene II is the visit, and the joke happens seven times over: Mary says something unkind about someone who isn't there, and it turns out to be about someone who is!

It starts well. Mrs Harding says she likes Lanfield. Then silence, so Mrs Shaw looks at Mary: time to keep the talk going!

Blunder 1. "What beautiful children you have, Mrs Harding! I've often seen them walking along the road." "Oh, I haven't any children." Mary insists she's seen them, until Mrs Harding says, not pleased, "I have no children; believe me."

Blunder 2. Mrs Shaw tries talking about Mr Best. Mary is off: he takes the train to London every morning and back every night, "He lives in trains! ... But he's only a banker, and bankers can't think." Mrs Lee: "My brother's a banker. He goes to London by train every morning and comes back every night."

Blunder 3. Mrs Shaw tries Mrs Best. Mary laughs at her clothes: "a blue dress with a red coat over it". Mrs Harding: "I have a blue dress, and I often wear my red coat with it." Mrs Shaw quickly: "I like blue dresses and red coats." Silence.

Blunders 4 and 5. Mary can't understand women who stay in bed in the morning, or Mrs Cotter always calling the doctor. Mrs Harding: "I stay in bed in the morning myself." Mrs Lee: "I often go to the doctor." Blunder 6: "Talkative women aren't very interesting, are they?" Mrs Lee: "My mother's a very talkative woman."

Blunder 7, the worst. Mary looks out: "There's that dog again! It always looks very dirty. Why doesn't its owner keep it clean?" Mrs Harding: "That's Towzer. It's our dog." Then a man rides by, and Mary asks why some men like horses more than people. Mrs Lee's brother sold his London house and moved here to ride and shoot!

The guests get up to leave. Mrs Shaw politely asks them to stay longer, and Mary, unable to say the right thing even now, says: "Oh, must you stay? Can't you go?" She swapped go and stay! The lesson, with a laugh: think before you speak.