Managing emotions

Emotions, even unpleasant ones, are useful: fear keeps us away from danger and anxiety pushes us to prepare. Problems come when they are too strong, last too long or are expressed harmfully. Tips for managing emotions:

• Know yourself (self-awareness): recognise what you are feeling and why.
• Appraise the situation objectively: look at it as an outsider would, not only from your own side.
• Self-monitoring: keep track of your past achievements, emotional states and progress.
• Self-modelling: be the ideal for yourself; recall a time you handled a hard situation well and repeat it.
• Cognitive restructuring: change the way you think about an event, replacing negative thoughts with more balanced ones.
• Also: develop creative interests, keep good relationships, show empathy, and take part in community service.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). After a terrible event such as an earthquake, a serious accident or violence, some people develop PTSD. They re-experience the event through flashbacks and nightmares, avoid reminders of it, feel constantly on edge and may lose interest in daily life. People with these symptoms need patient support and professional help.

Handling exam anxiety. A certain level of anxiety helps performance by keeping you alert; too much harms it. Two approaches:

• Monitoring: facing the situation directly. Prepare well; rehearse by practising under exam-like conditions; inoculate yourself by imagining the exam hall and staying calm; think positively ('I have prepared; I can do this'); and seek support from friends, family and teachers.
• Blunting: reducing the feeling of anxiety itself, through relaxation, deep breathing, exercise and taking breaks. Simply avoiding the stressful situation altogether is also blunting, but it rarely solves the problem.

Managing anger. Anger is not a reflex; it is the result of your thinking, and so it is partly your choice. Notice that many people control their temper well in front of a strict elder but not in front of a younger sibling.

• Recognise the thoughts that fuel your anger.
• Avoid 'self-talk that burns' ('How dare she!', 'He always does this to me'), which only builds the anger up.
• Find constructive ways to express it: say calmly what upset you, walk away until you cool down, or put the energy into exercise.

Enhancing positive emotions. Positive emotions such as joy, interest and contentment widen our thinking and options and help us cope with stress. They can be built by:

• Personality traits such as optimism, hope and happiness.
• Faith and a sense of meaning in life; finding a purpose in what you do.
• Good social relationships and support.
• Engaging fully in activities you value, and having positive self-regard.