Grief then and now

Feelings of grief. A modern guide says grief is natural after any big loss, and is different for everyone. Common feelings: sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety, loneliness, tiredness and disbelief. Martha, who lost her husband, can't sleep; Anya, seventeen, who lost her grandmother, can't eat.

Helping someone who is grieving. Reach out. Be patient. Some people won't want to talk, and some will. Let them know you care and are there.

'Good Grief'. Amitai Etzioni lost his wife and, years later, his son. A school psychologist once told him they were 'not mourning in the right way'. Etzioni says 'there is no set form for grief', and admits he is still angry.

'We are not to ask why, but what.' A relative gave him this comfort. Not 'why did this happen?' but 'what can we do for each other?' His family kept busy, called each other, played with his little grandson Max, and stayed with the young widow.

Then and now. The Buddha teaches acceptance: death comes to all. The modern texts add understanding our feelings and supporting each other. Tagore: 'Say not in grief that she is no more but say in thankfulness that she was.' (If you write about grief, share only what you are comfortable sharing.)