What makes me 'I'

Each of us has a sense of being unique, a sense of 'I'. You know you are not your best friend, even if you like the same songs and sit on the same bench. This chapter asks what that 'I' is made of, how it develops, and what shapes it. Three related words are often used interchangeably: self, identity and personality.

The self is the totality of a person's experiences, ideas, thoughts and feelings about herself or himself. It has many dimensions:

• the bodily self (how you look, your health and strength);
• the emotional self (what you feel and how you handle it);
• the mental self (how you think, what you know and understand);
• your social roles and relationships (daughter, classmate, team captain);
• your potential (what you could become) and your beliefs and values;
• the self as doer and thinker (the one who acts and decides).
• Broadly, these group into the personal self (your inner qualities and abilities) and the social self (how you relate to others and the groups you belong to).

Self-concept is the description we give of ourselves, our answer to 'Who am I?': 'I like solving puzzles, I am the eldest of three, I want to be a pilot.'

Self-esteem is how we evaluate or judge ourselves: whether we see ourselves as worthy and capable. We judge ourselves against standards that are largely set by society: what our family, school and friends value. A girl who loves drawing but whose school values only marks may judge herself harshly unless someone values her art.

Identity is the continuing sense of who we are, even though our lives keep changing. You are taller, older and know far more than you did at seven, yet you still feel you are the same person.

• Personal identity is what makes you different from others: your interests, abilities, temperament.
• Social identity links you to groups: being an Indian, a Tamilian, a Sikh, a student, a farmer's child, a member of the school choir.

Adolescence, the stage you are in now, is the time when we think more than ever about 'Who am I?' and 'Who will I become?'.