How the self develops

The sense of self is not present at birth; it develops step by step.

Infancy. A newborn has no self-awareness. Around 18 months, babies begin to recognise themselves. In a well-known test, a dot of red colour is secretly put on a baby's nose and the baby is placed before a mirror: a younger baby touches the reflection, but an older one touches their own nose, knowing the image is 'me'. Later in the second year, children start using 'I', 'me' and 'mine' and can pick themselves out in photographs.

Early childhood (about 2 to 6 years). Young children describe themselves:

• by physical features and possessions, in absolute terms: 'I have curly hair', 'I have a blue tricycle';
• by what they can do: 'I can count to twenty';
• in concrete terms rather than inner qualities;
• often overestimating themselves: 'I am the best runner in the world!';
• without seeing that a person can be both good and bad: they are either 'good' or 'naughty' at any moment.

Middle childhood (about 6 to 11 years). Self-descriptions change:

• children mention inner characteristics: 'I am honest', 'I get angry quickly';
• they describe themselves by social groups: 'I am in the Green House', 'I am a Scout';
• they compare themselves with others: 'I read faster than most of my class';
• they distinguish a real self (what they are) from an ideal self (what they would like to be);
• their descriptions become more realistic.

Adolescence. The psychologist Erik Erikson said the main task of adolescence is to develop a sense of identity: a clear idea of who you are, what you value and where you are going.

• This can bring an identity crisis or role confusion, because adolescents are deeply occupied with themselves, their bodies are changing fast, and they face conflicting expectations (be independent, but obey; be a child at home, an adult outside).
• Such confusion is normal and usually passes. Not everyone feels it strongly: young people who are trained early in a family occupation often move into adult roles with little sense of break.

The adolescent's sense of self is:

• Abstract: 'I am a sensitive person' rather than 'I have a bicycle'.
• Contradictory: holding opposite traits at once, 'I am friendly with my cousins but tongue-tied with new people'.
• Fluctuating: feeling confident one day and useless the next.
• With a prominent ideal self, the person they wish to be.
• Self-conscious: feeling always 'on stage', as if everyone is watching.