Influences on identity

How the self is built. We construct our sense of self from our experiences and from what others tell us:

• the names and labels people give us ('the clever one', 'our little helper');
• early body games that teach a baby where its nose and toes are;
• discovering that our actions affect the world (a baby shakes a rattle and it makes a sound);
• being asked 'why?' and 'how do you feel?', which helps us look inward;
• feedback from parents, teachers and other adults.
• Because our genes, our experiences and our own responses to them all differ, every identity is unique, even between twins.

Biological changes. Puberty is the point of reaching sexual maturity; for girls it is marked by menarche, the first menstruation. Pubescence is the period of change that leads up to it, roughly 11 to 13 years for girls and 13 to 15 for boys, though timing varies. The changes come in a set sequence: a growth spurt, changes in body shape and voice, and the maturing of the reproductive system. Sudden changes in the body make adolescents think hard about who they are.

Socio-cultural contexts. Where and how we grow up shapes identity:

• In traditional Indian society, puberty often brings more restrictions for girls than for boys, on movement, dress and friendships.
• Western cultures generally expect adolescents to become independent and live separately; Indian families usually keep adolescents close, and many Indians naturally speak of themselves as 'we', not only 'I'.
• In families with traditional occupations, children may take on adult roles early.
• Parenting matters: parents who are firm and also affectionate, who set clear limits but listen and explain, best help a healthy identity. A balance between individuality (being yourself) and connectedness (staying close to family) is ideal.
• Peers become very important. Friends can push you towards good habits, like joining a study circle, or towards risky ones, so peer pressure can be positive or negative.

Emotional changes. Adolescents are often preoccupied with their bodies: how they look, their height, weight and skin. Feelings about appearance strongly affect self-esteem. Mood swings and sudden bursts of anger are common, partly due to hormonal changes and partly due to the pressures of this stage.

Cognitive changes. Adolescents can now think abstractly and hypothetically: 'What kind of person do I want to be?', 'What if I chose science instead of commerce?'. This lets them imagine a future self and plan their studies and career, and also question the rules and beliefs they grew up with. Body, culture, family, friends, feelings and thinking together shape who an adolescent becomes.